Venerability . . . oh, how we fight against being vulnerable with one another . . . why?!
I used to hide behind masks myself – believe me – I had a mask for almost every situation! “never let anyone know what I was really feeling”, that was my way of approaching life . . . yes, even as a Christian, even in Ministry! I would be sharing with others about the Love of Christ and living in victory, but be torn apart inside . . . never letting others know what was REALLY going on in my own shattered world! NOT ANY MORE!!!! The Lord has shown me that there is a reason His Word tells us to “bear one another’s burdens”! Galatians 6:2
How can we truly be healed, if we do not allow others to minister to our wounds?!
How can we grow, if we do not allow the weeds to be pulled, the branches to be pruned and the roots to be fed and watered?!
I ask again . . . why?! Now, I answer . . . PRIDE, plain and simple . . . one of satan’s nasty tools that he loves to use to keep us from reaching our potential as becoming the beautiful whole sanctified Bride of Christ . . . (lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and the pride of life; 1 John 2:16), his tricks never change! But why are we so quick to fall for his silly little dangling carrots in front of us?! For years I did, but NO MORE!!! I now make the conscious effort to choose to be vulnerable – to be open, even IF people make their own choice to think differently of me – that is their problem. I will forgive them.
So, here I am, with NO mask, sharing my heart . . . things have been REALLY chaotic to say the least, for a while now . . . took care of one side of it . . . now more ‘stuff’ has come up, and WOW! Mercy, I’m listening to a song just now that is talking about ‘the bottom falling out’ – how appropriate – BUT GOD! He has it ALL in His Hands! It is the trusting in Him through it that causes me to remind myself to “Breathe, girl!” (honestly, I do forget sometimes, and have to remind myself when I find myself really lightheaded!) And I look at those I love, and sometimes find my thoughts going “who IS this person? why are they talking this way? what is going on? where is all this coming from?” Of course, I KNOW we do NOT wrestle against flesh but against principalities and powers . . . etc. Ephesians 6:12 and that I just have to crawl up on Abba Father’s lap and rest in Him, drawing upon Holy Spirit’s never ending PEACE that passes ALL understanding and press on ahead . . . but, being REAL here . . . the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak (sometimes)…. remember, I’ve left the masks behind!
I am choosing to press ahead . . . for God does NOT lie and His Word promises that He is Faithful to complete that which He started!!!! Philippians 1:6
Masks down, head bowed, on my knees, tears gently falling, heart shaking, asking for brothers and sisters to surround with loving prayers and arms of love; words of encouragement . . . words of corrections, if you see anything that needs correcting, I am open – I do NOT want anything to hinder my growth! I desire to remain a handmaiden that He can use for His glory, for the furthering of His Kingdom . . . nothing else! I never want to be a stumbling block to anyone in any way! Not ever, especially not in my vulnerability, but I refuse to wear masks ever again . . . I must continue to allow my Precious Lord to mold and shape me into ALL that He desires me to be! I long to be the spotless Bride that He longs to return for! I want no blemishes, no wrinkles, no scars!!! If there be ANY thing that is NOT right – I want it GONE!!!! Oh, Jesus, You alone know the depths of anguish within my being . . . I feel as though somehow I have failed you, but I am not responsible for those around me, we are each responsible for our own walk . . . help me to remain steadfast and true to you and to them through every step of this journey . . . in love and honor and respect.
I love how you just answered me, Lord . . . WOW!
“It’s all yours. All your life, no one will be able to hold out against you. In the same way I was with Moses, I’ll be with you. I won’t give up on you; I won’t leave you. Strength! Courage! You are going to lead this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don’t get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you’re going. And don’t for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you’ll get where you’re going; then you’ll succeed. Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.” Joshua 1:7-9 The Message
“Why in the world are you saying that?” (you ask) Because If these kinds of attacks keep happening one after the other, boom, boom, boom . . . we have to be on the precipice of something wonderful for the Kingdom of God and we have riled up the troops of enemy!
You know . . . he can ‘see’ the path we are on, and he knows where it is leading. When he sees the stance we take, and hears the plans we have voiced/set in motion, and knows what victories those same plans have brought others in The Kingdom of God – he begins to SHAKE . . . and (I can almost see it) I believe even froth at the mouth! Perhaps spewing out in anger, “No! Not another one!”, then turning to his cohorts, “You must stop them, they cannot proceed, you must NOT allow them to move forward with their plans!!!!”
Yes, these past few days (weeks) have been very rough (painful), and yes, there have been some tears . . . but I have taken every single struggle, every single dart the enemy has thrown my way (every stone/arrow/lightening bolt/shoe dropped/etc) before my King’s Throne! I have crawled up on My Daddy’s Lap and cried . . . He SEES, He KNOWS, He IS in CONTROL over every circumstance and HE REIGNS SUPREME OVER ALL!!!
Illness, Despair, Hitting rock bottom – but NEVER giving up the hope I have in Jesus Christ!
Believing in His promises – KNOWING He will never leave me nor forsake me!
KNOWING that my body IS healed and that it WILL come in line – whether in this lifetime or in my heavenly body – I knew not – but I continue to believe in His promise to me!
Visions – Revelations – whispers into my innermost being . . . still in the process of discovering the very depth of His incredible LOVE for me – my BELOVED – my JOY – and what all of what He has shown me, and continues to reveal to me means . . . and when and how to begin to share with you . . . it will come . . . it is powerful . . . I miss writing, but have been unable up to this point. It was horrible, I could hardly form sentences, think, could not type, could not read . . . could not even sing or play my musical instrument in worship . . . all was internal from my spirit to God’s heart . . . and from His Spirit to mine . . . deep and intense and rich in LOVE.
Don't ever change yourself to impress someone, cause they should be impressed that you don't change to please others -- When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is, always remember that the teacher is always quiet during a test --- Unknown