After going through surgery for cancer, having had my cervix removed, getting pregnant again (after they told me I most likely wouldn’t be able to) and then losing them (twins) at 5 months, I had given up. Yes, I had a wonderful son, and he is one of the joys of my heart, there was still this deep longing inside me to have another child. I prayed and prayed, just like Hannah – pleading for the Lord to remember me and allow me to conceive AND keep another child.
He answered me . . . the impossible was made possible . . . such wondrous contentment flooded my soul! I enjoyed EVERY moment of my pregnancy – I absolutely KNEW the moment I conceived, and nine months and 6 days after I had Mariah. Absolutely perfect in every way, I watched her become aware of her surroundings, learned how to grasp a rattle, roll over, sit up. Oh, and that smile she had – it brightened up the room, and her eyes spoke volumes! Day after day, for four months, I observed her work her way into the hearts of everyone she met . . . then . . .After an afternoon of visitors, lots of tickles and smiles I put Mariah down to bed. I followed a few minutes later, but kept feeling prompted to ‘check Mariah’. I struggled, trying to ignore the prompting because I had worked a very long (double shift) day there at our Motel . . . kept Mariah by me practically the whole day in her swing – how she LOVED that swing – I knew she was fine and I needed to get some sleep. The prompting continued. I remember being upset about having to get up, after all I had just put her to bed, but when I walked over to her crib, she wasn’t breathing. That afternoon she was fine – this photo was actually taken that day – and hours later – everything changed.
I ran out to the front desk (we lived behind the office) and told my husband that something was wrong – Mariah was not breathing – our weekend relief person had just arrived (early – God’s divine provision) so I we immediately got in the car and headed to the closest hospital. We got there in seven minutes, even though it was snowing and it normally was about a 20 minute trip (another divine provision). My heart dropped as we pulled into the parking lot. It, being a Friday night, was packed. I remember running in the door and shouting “My baby isn’t breathing!” as loudly as I could over the crowd. I had been breathing for her and bouncing her up and down, trying to stimulate her, the whole trip. Praise God, someone came and took her from me and they took her back and started an airway. Once they got her finally stabilized they transferred us to Children’s Hospital.
From then on things all blurred together – she started having seizures. Nothing was able to stop them, they kept coming, harder, stronger, longer. It was decided that they would put her into a Phenobarbital induced coma and take it from there. She was in that state for ten days. I remember only one thought kept me going . . . “When she opens her beautiful blue eyes, it will all be alright.” Well, she did. It wasn’t. As they weaned her out of the coma, she did open her eyes, but they were no longer full of life and light and laughter, they were dull and she could no longer see.
Did it REALLY matter that she could not talk to me with her eyes anymore? Of course not! I had her – alive – with me – with gratitude to my Lord and with His help, I could deal with that.
~ TO BE CONTINUED ~