Had a GREAT conversation with a very dear friend this morning . . . we discussed a lot of things, but the main emphasis of our discussion was what could be triggering in me certain actions/reactions. And, along with that . . . trying to figure out ‘why’ people didn’t see me like I really am.
Mercy! If someone figures that one out, let me know!
Anyway, it got me to thinking . . . for my whole life (or so it seems) there have been wrong impressions of who I am and how I am. I can say one thing, and it be heard as something completely different. Or, I can do something because I feel prompted by Holy Spirit to do it, and yet people can assume I want something for it or from it! There have been years of ‘trying to prove’ myself to others . . . I truly believe I had overcome all of that ‘junk’, but I am praying for more revelation in light of today’s discussion.
It is as if I must live my life with some kind of a shield around me that does not allow people to really see me, or the ‘real’ me. Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like there are times when you are going completely against the flow of others around you – I mean – you ARE going in the same direction, in the same circles, attending the same functions, etc., but something just isn’t quite in sync with them?
All I truly know is that I am a much loved child of the Living King. I am His beloved, and I am precious to Him. I know that He loves me more than I could ever begin to imagine, and that He is pleased with the woman I have become (and am becoming – I am constantly growing and learning to be more like Him). So why in the world should it matter if others don’t see me as He does? Well, it shouldn’t!!! But . . . if we are all honest with ourselves, it does. Somewhere deep inside, we feel the need to be ‘accepted’, ‘acknowledged’, ‘encouraged’ . . . whatever words you wish to put on it . . . we live in a world with other people in it and we would like people to ‘see’ us for who we are.
In the mean time, even if others don’t (or won’t) ‘see’ me like God does, I will continue to keep on seeking to become more and more like Him each and every day of my life. I will continue to do the things He asks me to do. I will continue to go to the places He directs me to go. And, I will continue to BE the person He asks me to be – my completeness is IN Him, and Him alone.
I will keep moving forward, becoming spiritually stronger with each passing day. I will continue my heart’s cry to be a vessel He can use for His glory and for the furthering of His Kingdom. NO MATTER WHAT happens, what comes at me, or against me. No matter what others may say or do or even think! I want my life to matter to Him and for Him.
Abba Father, continue Your work in me and through me. Take this person that I am and keep molding and shaping me into all that You desire me to be. Use me, Lord, to reach out and make a difference in the lives of others. Help me, Abba, not to even look towards others for affirmation, but only to You, because the bottom line is that it is You and You alone that matters! I want to be strong in You, Lord, I want to have an impact in this life – pointing others to a victorious walk with You – open my spiritual eyes to see the things that still need to change within me to accomplish all that You desire to accomplish in me and through me. In Jesus Mighty Name, amen.