Yet, sometimes, as I reflect back on times gone by, I find those memories (although still there) faded slightly. It is almost as if I find myself thinking, was I really there? Did I really experience those things? Was I really a part of those awesome times? Did God really use me like that? It really took me by surprise! I KNOW I was there. I KNOW I did those things. I KNOW I was a part of incredible times of ministry and experiences. I KNOW that lives were touched, changed, by things I was a part of. So, why do those memories at times, now, seem almost like a dream? I don’t understand, nor do I have the answer.
In my human mind, I can try and contemplate various reasons for this phenomenon; to lessen the pain from the difficult times, to be reminded that I need to live in the here and now and not count on things moving in the same flow as before, to be better able to hear and listen to the plans that God has for me NOW….He has much for us to do, and He chooses when, what and how that work will manifest itself in our lives. I believe if I remained focused on the “good old times of ministry” and the way in which it came about – if I try to repeat those things – I may very well be stepping outside of His plan for me for today.
So, like wild flowers, that beautify our surroundings, for a time, and then fade into fields of tall colorless blades waving in the wind on our horizon, I must learn to embrace the present and seek my Lord’s guidance for what is ahead.
I so desired to be back in the pulpit, to be preaching again, singing again, teaching again, traveling again. . . but, that was then . . . this is now. He has for me a new path, blogging His messages of encouragement, hope, faith, Kingdom Living, restoration, salvation, strength, etc. In obedience I chose to lay down the desires of ‘things like they were’ to move on with Him. As He guides me, directs me, leads me, speaks to my heart – so I will share. I will move forward with all that He asks me to do, for I know that as I continue to delight myself in Him, He will grant the desires of my heart. That main desire is to be able to share His love with others and having some small impact on their lives. I know He has called me here, now, and that He is granting that desire in a completely new way – one I had never before imagined. And, He is restoring my voice, and singing is a huge part of my life once more, for which I am eternally grateful.
There is peace deep within. There is joy overflowing my being. There is love bursting out of my heart. There is yearning for the lost and hurting to come to know Him. I pray above all else, that as I daily seek Him first, stay in His presence, that He will faithfully direct me in the way I should go – creating new memories for my tomorrows – whether they stay bright and vivid, or if they begin to fade, I know it is a new chapter; one blessed by my Lord.
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