The reason I posted about forgiving my father is because it was a HUGE turning point in my life. Did it mean that I no longer had any problems forgiving when people wronged me in some way? Or, if I felt they had? Or if I had lost a job I loved because someone decided to move me to another position? Absolutely not. I wish I could say differently, but forgiveness is something that a part of me does ‘fight’ (in the flesh) against at times.
In fact, even though I have forgive certain people, certain events in my life (things that completely changed things for me), there ARE times when the ‘hurt’ I felt rears its ugly head.
What do I do when this happens? Well, I cry quite easy, so to be honest I would have to say that my immediate response usually is a tear or two sneaking out of my eyes. But from there, I have a check list in my heart that I go through.
If the issue had already been dealt with previously, I take captive that thought and pray blessings over the person (or persons) involved. Then switch my focus on the Word of Truth and my precious Savior. If it was a part of an issue, but not completely dealt with, I take it to the cross, repent, and make the active choice to forgive – and begin to pray blessings over the people and/or situation.
In fact, the main reason for me writing this today is because I did have an incredibly devastating loss of relationship in my life many years ago – over they years I did nurture that hurt – OFTEN – but finally took it to the cross. However, sometimes the ‘feelings’ or ‘thoughts’ try to come back – yesterday evening was one of those times. I promptly went over my check list, and yes, it has been taken to the cross, repented of, forgiven, prayed over, etc. and I had peace. Praying blessings over those that caused the wounding in my heart, I believed I was through . . . yet . . . I am in the process of seeking outside pastoral counsel to help me see if perhaps there is something more I need to take care of. You know, deep down inside I desire reconciliation with these ones once so very near and dear to me . . . even though the forgiveness has been given, my own repentance to them for my part has never been accepted, or even acknowledged.
I know God IS in control, and I know He is more than able to bring this about, but He reminds me that He has given us ALL free will . . . that can not (and He will not) control. So, if you are struggling, don’t get discouraged. God tells us that we need to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. It is a part of our lives as long as we are still on this earth in our earthly bodies.