Oh my goodness . . . why am I surprised?! Silly me! He ALWAYS does things perfectly, and here I am still basking in His awesome love.
I simply HAVE to share some of what our awesome Lord has done.
You see, my husband and I went on a retreat – knew it would bring healing, set some things right in our lives, but we really had NO idea how much so! Without going into all the details, let me simply say this – a HUGE bolder of “Unworthiness & Rejection” was revealed, stripped away and TOSSED as far as one can possibly throw. It was a very intense, introspective time of examination, and it was not pleasant . . . ah, but the lightness within, after letting, go was amazing. It is amazing still, now, a week later.
The story does not end there . . . no, my friends, it is but a beginning.
There had been (in the past few months) a ‘feeling’ of distance (sort of a wall) that I had noticed. After what happened on that retreat, and after prayer, I reached out to the person explaining that I was sensing a distancing in our relationship. I asked if I had somehow offended them. They responded, “let’s talk”. So, today, we did.
I’m telling you that God’s PERFECT timing is just that. The person didn’t feel a ‘release’ to speak with me until I reached out. Then, when we had our glorious encounter, I KNEW that had I / we tried to ‘talk’ (of the things we discussed) before . . . it would of been a complete devastating disaster to me. But it wasn’t! No, not at all. With that burden; that bolder of unworthiness lifted, I was able to have a normal, very productive, incredible and glorious time of receiving the love that was being offered.
Sometimes we have to have difficult discussions with one another – to truly walk in the Love of Christ, to be the body He intended us to be, we need to speak to one another from time to time with. Instruction, presented and received in love is SO freeing! SO healing! SO refreshing!
I am grateful to God for placing Godly friends around me. Those that love me enough to address an area they see (or perceive) differently than that which God intends for us.
Once we have allowed God to heal the trauma of our past – once we’ve allowed Holy Spirit to download into our hearts how precious we are to Him – once we understand / grasp His GREAT love for us . . . we can RECEIVE and grow from what others (who truly love us) have to say.
How I thank Him for the surgery He preformed on my inner-man at the retreat.
How I thank Him for showing me that I AM worthy – so worthy, in fact that He sent His Son to die in my place that I could have eternal life!
How I thank Him for helping me (over the past few months) to see and recognize (and we are still working on the understanding) that what He has me doing in the Kingdom is of great worth. It is not what I had felt I should be doing. It is not what others have spoken over my life, that I would be doing. I had (from the depths of that heavy bolder of unworthiness) felt that what I was doing was nothing . . . but it IS EXACTLY what He has for me at this time.
I am praising Him for allowing me to embrace the woman He is designing me to be! I have begun to feel an excitement in what He has me doing. Beginning to be comfortable with me . . . probably for the very first time in my entire life . . . it is an incredible revelation and it is full of joy and peace like I’ve never known before.
You know, sometimes we hear a word spoken (or in my case, multiple ‘confirmations’ of a word spoken) over us and we jump in with everything we have. We push forward, we keep speaking it . . . proclaiming (calling forth those things that are not as though they are) but . . . was it REALLY the Lord speaking those things over us? Did we / did I (no) take it to prayer and seek His plan? Unfortunately, I just went with it. Then, with that bolder of unworthiness strapped to my back, I pressed on. What did that accomplish? Heartache and disappointment time after time after time. I would find myself reacting out of that “trying to prove . . . (something) myself” – oh, Lord, what a mess!
Why am I making myself vulnerable by sharing such intimate details of my faith walk? Because I am praying that perhaps it will help another person on their own pilgrimage.
May I suggest a thorough examination of your heart:
- Am I reacting in ways that are not mature in some areas?
- Do things people say or do (or not say or do) cause me to feel rejected?
- Do I find myself always struggling with “please listen to me, I am important too”?
- Am I uncomfortable with where God has me right now, when I ‘want’ something different?
- What IS my real perception of myself (on the inside, when no one is around)?
- Does that perception line up with how others see you? What do their reactions/words tell me about who I am?
- Have I absolutely taken the words spoken over me and run with them, or have I totally laid them on the altar before the Lord, seeking His guidance, His direction, His vision, His plan?
I have been walking with the Lord for a very long time. I have been serving Him for a very long time. Yet, I needed DEEP inner healing and a release I did not even realize I had need of! If you would have asked me a week and a half ago if I was completely free in the Lord, I would of answered quickly and emphatically, “YES!” – but, I would have been very wrong. We are always being stretched, shaped, molded into His image; however, sometimes we resist Him – not knowingly, but resisting still the same. That is where I was . . . I pray that I will not be there any more!
Abba Father, my love for You continues to grow more and more each and every day, and my heart overflows with gratitude to You for all You have done, are doing and will continue to do in my life. Help me, Holy Spirit, to remain pliable on Your Potter’s wheel . . . like the song you gave me yesterday, “I bow before Your Throne, Jesus, I trust in You, alone, Jesus – I lay my life on Your Altar, have Your way in me, Jesus . . . ” I bless you, my God! Lover of my soul, King, Savior, Lord . . . amen
Dear ones, we NEED to be able to see ourselves as God sees us. We NEED to understand that what He says about us is Truth and what others may have spoken over us/ into us throughout our lifetimes may have caused deep damage that He desires to heal.
It is my prayer that you, too, will find your healing.
© klh 4-Given Ministries